Access

#1

Mary Vincent came into the world in 1963 having been dealt a rough hand. Her parents were going through a messy divorce when she was just a teenager. “Anywhere would be better than here.” And so that’s where she headed. After a while on her own, she decided to head back to her home to see if things had gotten any better. Mary was 15 years old when she began the trip back, hitchhiking along the way.

A 50 year old stranger picked her up. Mary thought he seemed nice enough, but how much insight could a 15 year old have? The driver veered off the road and took Mary to a secluded spot. When she protested, he hit her in the head with a sledgehammer. When she came to, the driver raped her repeatedly, and then began to hack off her arms with an axe. Once her arms were removed, he threw her off a 30 foot cliff.

When Mary regained consciousness a second time, she rubbed her stumps in mud to slow the bleeding, and then began to difficult task of climbing up out of the canyon. She eventually made it out and found a main road. Several cars passed her as she flailed her bloody stumps in the air. Finally, one car did stop and offer assistance. She was taken to a hospital where she began her difficult recovery. But before she rested, she insisted on assisting the sketch artist complete their work. That sketch was instrumental in finding her assailant. Mary testified at his trial, where he promised her he would finish the job when he got out. He served 8 years for his crimes. He eventually killed his next victim, a mother of three, and Mary testified at his second trial, where he was sentenced to die. Cancer got him before the executioner did.

Mary spends her time these days sharing her art and advocating for victims of violent crimes.

#2

Hassan Hawthorne was born without shinbones and had his legs amputated at 3 months of age. His parents tried to follow doctor’s orders, but Hassan had other ideas. He opted for the floor over the wheelchair. Even at an early age Hassan didn’t seem to be deterred by his circumstance. As a fan of WWE, Hassan eventually decided to try wrestling. It seemed like a good outlet for the anger that was building in him for the bullying he experienced. He excelled in the sport. Not against similarly abled students. But fully abled students. His drive was unstoppable. It led him all the way to the Alabama State Wresting Championship, where he walked away with the title.

From there, Hassan accepted a full ride athletic scholarship at North Idaho College. Completing his degree at Hastings College.

#3

I think the year was 1993. That was the first time I visited the Galilean Home run by Jerry and Sandy Tucker. Theirs is a beautiful story of loss and reclamation all on its own. But what struck me on that first visit were their kids. At that time there were about 50 of them. Living and learning and growing on their property. It was a real collection of misfit toys. About half of the kids had significant birth defects. Some cognitive, others physical. Occasionally, both. The other half was from halfway around the world. During the 1990s there was a significant conflict in Afghanistan between the mujahideen groups and the Afghan government. It was a (un)civil war. Millions of people died in the conflict. Hundreds of thousands were significantly injured, some in the direct conflict, others who just happened to be walking along and stepped on a land mine. Some of those children made their way to Liberty, KY and into the caring arms of the Tuckers. Some were missing limbs, others missing vision or hearing, they began the long process of trying to heal wounds that couldn’t be.

I remember going into the school and watching the children working on their homework. Near the front of the class sat a young man about ten years old, missing both of his arms from the war back in his homeland. While the other kids worked on their papers on their desk, this young man had his paper on the floor, with a pencil between his toes. He had learned to write using his feet. And his penmanship was quite good!

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One might read those stories and use them for self motivation, or to motivate others, to keep on trying. Never give up. Tap into their resilience. Don’t be weak. Don’t be a quitter. And you wouldn’t necessarily be wrong in doing so. But then we run into a problem.

In the United States, one person completes suicide every 11 minutes.

In the United States in 2022, 224 people died every day from an opioid overdose.

Here’s a puzzle for you: Did Mary Vincent try harder than the 129,541 people who died in 2022 either by suicide or opioid overdose? Did she have more motivation? Faith? A vast majority of those who died in 2022 had both their legs. Was Hassan more resilient? Stubborn? Angry?

I’ll let you work on that one for a minute while I tell you about one thing that makes me irrationally angry. When I hear someone say of someone who has completed suicide that they took the coward’s way out. Or that they were selfish. I can’t hardly imagine a more ignorant statement. I can’t imagine that anyone who could form the sentence dressed themselves that morning. Or when someone says of those who are addicted or who have died from an overdose that they are weak. Are you really that simple to believe that the addicted are addicted because they lack a work ethic? That they just need to try harder?

I thought I might offer one possible difference between the two groups. Between those who “don’t make it” and those who seemingly rise about circumstance and become slayers of dragons.

It might not be what you think.

I think the difference is simple. It’s so simple that I’m willing to concede I might be wrong. I think the difference between the two groups rests in this: Access.

Nothing more. Nothing less. I don’t think it’s intestinal fortitude, faithful prayer, work ethic, survival drive, intelligence, stubbornness, viking blood, or anything else.

Just access.

Do you think those who complete suicide are able to internally access any other option than the one they chose? I can tell you, certainly they cannot. In that moment, they cannot imagine ANY other scenario, any other option, than the one they chose. Same for those in late stage addiction. If there were options, they would choose them. In the same way that non suicidal people jumped to their deaths on 9/11 from the World Trade Center. When they arrived at work that day, taking their own life had never entered their minds. But then they quickly had two options, but really only one. If you’re reading this, then one of two things are true. Either you’ve never considered taking your own life, or if you did, you were able to access other options internally.

But then you have to consider external access. Access to support. Treatment. Tools. Skill building. Access to experts. Access to the right interventions and modalities. Access to medicine.

In many cases, the difference between living and dying is simply the external access to the circumstances that offer an opportunity.

If you think everyone has equal access, then you also believe we faked the moon landing.

Access to the necessary capital changes by race, geography, age, money, gender, systemic factors, generational beliefs, just to name a few.

Just so we’re clear, I love the first three stories. They inspire me. They remind me of the power of the human spirit when the odds are stacked.

But some kids stepped on a land mine and lost their lives. And some kids with no legs are living up to their full potential by accomplishing activities of daily living. And for some, and this might challenge your world view a little, getting up this morning and sticking a needle in their arm is their absolute best.

Our work is not to try to get people to be more brave or strong. Our work is to find the evidenced based practices that will allow the internal process of change to occur so individuals can internally access other options. And our other work is evaluate each person’s access to external resources and reduce the distance between willingness and the tools of change. Our last piece of work is to make better tools.