I’m Not Ken
I saw Barbie the other day... Over the past few years I've learned to pay attention when I really don't like something. If I generally just dislike something it is usually just about preference. Like cottage cheese. But when I find myself having having a strong negative reaction, it usually means it's touching something undeveloped or unexplored. I REALLY disliked Ken in the movie. Especially the part where he only existed to be noticed by Barbie. His whole world seemed to center around whether he could gain her acceptance or approval. It was Barbie's world! I found myself talking to Ken (quietly) in the movie: "Come on, Ken!! Where's your self respect?? Where's your strength?? Who airbrushed your abs??"
When the writers switched the gender roles I was able to see patriarchy from a new light. The patriarchy I grew up with and the patriarchy that still permeates our world today. I actually thought to myself while watching the movie, "Why does Barbie get to make all the rules??" I'm a little embarrassed it took me a couple of days to work through that. I've always advocated for equality. As a father of daughters that was not a big leap for me. But I've never wondered what it must feel like to be on the wrong side of that societal imbalance. I'm a guy, so I still don't know. But the movie gave me a few minutes to see from a new perspective. What do I do with that? Keep learning about the world around me. Growth can be constant if you have curiosity in your veins.
Think of each generation as a board game. Each board game has different pieces and different rules. Have you ever played Monopoly? How about Chutes and Ladders? In our early developmental stages, it seems as if we are handed a specific board game. An explicit and implied set of boundaries and behaviors. Have you ever been playing a board game with friends and someone decides to bend or suspend the rules of the game? It’s pandemonium! There are some people on this planet that I won’t name here that I WILL NOT play scrabble with. You know who you are. Can you imagine playing chess with someone who used checkers for their back row? I’m not condoning violence, but if they got a fresh one I wouldn’t be mad.
And so since we’ve become civilized (loosely translated), each generation who becomes established has been critical of the generation that comes after them. We have collective phrases that don’t need to be finished to be understood: “Kids these days…”
Kids these days…what? Well, based on micro-evolution, kids these days are smarter, faster, stronger, more insightful, and generally just an all around upgrade from their older model. From one generation to the next it’s sometimes hard to see this, but go back three generations and the advancement is stark. Go back five generations and you can see slight physical changes that indicate a lower level of functioning.
I heard this the other day, “This new generation is so soft! No backbone; not grit.” Well, Bobby, no kidding! They’re not trying to cut down an oak tree with a butter knife! Actually, the greatest generation is in diapers.
That’s not to say that we (loosely translated) don’t bring anything to the table. Many of us have learned the power of staying in the moment, and how to shut down our behavior when our emotions are on fire. Both skills require a crock pot and not a microwave to develop.
I’m not judging my generation or my ancestors. It would be a mistake to measure a seasoned group of people by our current knowledge. But it would also be a mistake to embrace the societal tenets of a past era when we have new data. Thankfully, the medical community knows this full well. When was the last time you heard of someone getting a lobotomy at the surgery center? By the way, that surgery was once considered cutting edge!
I’m not necessarily interested in being relevant. But I am interested in being more effective. More insightful. And that means, for me, going to a movie I didn’t want to go to (made more painful knowing John Wick was playing somewhere else) and then exploring how my implicit bias regarding gender roles affects every interaction I have with everyone around. Most profoundly, with myself.
